I don't know if it's reading thought-provoking literature like Note To Self by Connor Franta, but I've found myself questioning who I think I am and who I actually am. I'm sure everyone has been in a state of despair about their identity before, and I really want to talk about this subject despite the fact it's a complex one.
As I've mentioned in a previous post, I'm changing a lot lately. In fact, I'm changing so quickly that I actually can't keep up with myself and my interests. My passions have become more like a tornado than a roller coaster. There are a few things I know about myself that are cemented into my very being - like that I want to be in a profession dedicated to the health and well-being of people (even if it's psychologically rather than physically, as I previously thought), that I love to write, to create and that I love early mornings and vegan cupcakes. But what about all the other stuff? The things I do on a daily basis that evolve so rapidly that it's making me feel slightly insane?
Do I want to be more down-to-earth or do I want to produce photos and content I know people will like (but that I still love?). Do I want to write more personal posts or will I scare people away? If I could edit any aspect of my life it would be the confidence within myself to just be myself. I feel like I have so much inside my mind that I don't know what is a reflection on what society has got me thinking and what is actually me.
However, then I find myself wondering: why should I want to change anything about myself? Does that mean I'm participating in self-doubt and self-consciousness? Well, no. That's not it.
What I've come to realise and hence want to share it with you guys, is that it's okay to want to change. It's natural and completely normal. You're allowed to hate the winter when it's cold and wish for the cold when it's summer. You're allowed to love the colour blue one day and become obsessed with red the next. These changes indicate an inner growth and therefore, validation that you are, in fact, human.
Although the changes we go through all the time whether they are small or not may scare us, it's important to acknowledge them and not succumb to what we think is "us". The way I was when I was five - fiery and confident with all of my dances and songs and extravagance is far from who I am now. And who I am now is not going to be "me" in 10 years time.
I wanted to vent these thoughts and share this with you guys because I know for a fact that a lot of you guys feel the same. Those who have a blog know the responsibility it comes with and the joy it can bring when you know you're being authentic. But don't we all go through these moments of frustration? I feel like comparison is the reason for a lot of these feelings and I'm hoping to change that.
a fresh start
Following on from my little rant, I've created a separate Instagram feed that is less edited, more personal and a little bit low-maintenance. I want this space to be a safe space where I can experiment with photography, share the beautiful things I come across without worrying if it will clash with my "feed" and where I'll get a little more personal.
I'll still be using my instagram: @imogen.k daily and nothing will change there, however I will also be using this account to build a more realistic vision of my life.
Please, leave in the comments below some ways that you guys deal with staying authentic and true to yourself, I'd absolutely love to hear them! For once, I'll let you guys do the talking.